Monday, May 12, 2008

Flowers as Communication

Last Monday night Hubby and I presented our three-hour communication workshop at the Albany Serenity Lane, a workshop we do up and down the valley in three of the Serenity Lane facilities. It’s a lively presentation and includes a lecture by Howard, a DVD clip of Defending the Caveman, an introduction to the primary tools of good communication, a little role-playing to practice the tools, and then finished off with information from a book by Gary Chapman, “The Five Love Languages.” After sharing about the five languages (I’ve included an outline of our lecture below, and the love languages are listed), one woman spoke up and said that she doesn’t really like it when her husband brings her flowers, it’s enough that he just “TELL” her that he “THOUGHT” about bringing her flowers (her love language is obviously Words of Affirmation, and not Receiving Gifts). I piped up: “Not me. My husband better not be telling me he thought about bringing me flowers because that wouldn’t do anything for me. I would want the real deal.”

The real deal was waiting for me when I got home from work on Tuesday afternoon. Now that’s communication!

In case you are a little rusty in the communication arena or are just curious as to what we present, here is the handout we use when we do our three-hour workshop:

Communication and Relationships
Dayna J. Collins, BS, CADC II, NCAC I
Howard W. Collins, Attorney at Law

Communication is:

7% actual words
38% voice
55% body language

Why Relationships Break Up*:

1) Controlling Personalities
2) Lack of Communication
3) Alcohol, Drugs, Gambling, and other Compulsive Behaviors
4) Financial Problems
5) Loss of Trust
6) Selfishness

*Based upon personal observations of Howard Collins, attorney in practice for 26 years.

Communication Tools:

1) Listening vs. Hearing
2) Body language (eye contact, nodding, etc.)
3) Using “I” and “You” statements
4) Paraphrasing to make sure you understand
5) Perception checking/reflective listening
6) Making appointments
7) Stick with present issues, not past or future

Five Love Languages from The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman:

1) Words of Affirmation
2) Quality Time
3) Receiving Gifts
4) Acts of Service
5) Physical Touch

Habit #5 from The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey: “Seek first to understand, then to be understood.”


Bridget B. said...

This sounds like some great work you and your husband are doing!!

gl. said...

wow! this is totally fascinating, dayna! i had no idea you & howard co-taught a class. thank you for sharing!

(and really, i think i need all five elements of the love languages. :)